Remarriage: 5 Reasons the Divorce Rate is so High - Divorce Help
Data from the Census Bureau suggests that second, third and subsequent marriages fail at a greater rate than first marriages. In fact, the more times a person is married, the higher the chances are that their next marriage will end in divorce. In the U.S. statistics show that 40% – 50% of first marriages end in divorce, while the rate for second marriages jumps to 67%, and a whopping 73% of third marriages are unsuccessful.
So what gives? Did spouses not learn their lessons the first time around? Are couples in second marriages just giving up when the going gets rough? Well, there’s more to it than that. The following is a list of the top 5 reasons remarriage divorce rate is so high.
One Spouse is on the Fence
Many exes on the rebound hurry into the arms of another mate instead of taking the time to heal from their divorce. An important stage in dealing with a divorce and grieving the demise of a marriage is getting to know yourself again, as an individual rather than one of two in a pair. In this phase of self-discovery, people usually find hidden talents, explore different hobbies and create new friendships. When people skip that stage and fail to relearn who they truly are, they often fall into the same role in a second marriage as they did in their first and make the same old mistakes.
Settling for Fear of Being Alone
After being part of a union for so long, the idea of going through life without a partner can be alarming. Some people who have just experienced a divorce adhered to traditional gender roles in their previous marriage. Women who did this had purely domestic duties and haven’t been in the work force in a number of years, and men aren’t able to juggle their professional lives with everything that needs to be taken care of at home. Instead of than taking the time to learn and understand those basic new skills, they remarry someone who can fill the role for them.
Whether for financial security, to fill a gender role void or for the guarantee of having someone by their side, tying the knot for the wrong reasons is sure to break up a marriage, and will begin killing the union from the very beginning.
Being Unsensitized to Divorce
The first time around divorce was probably experienced as a tragedy rather than a manageable stage in life. When divorce loses some if its’ stigma and taboo, people don’t work as hard to avoid it. When a person has been through a divorce once, and have made it through to the other side, they know that they are capable of getting through it again – especially when they have already learned that they know how to be self-sufficient without a mate.
The Complications of Children
Sure, The Brady Bunch made it look easy, but blending families is hard work. Some second marriages can be doomed from the get-go when children don’t get along with a new spouse. Other times children are mistreated, the spouse’s children are favored, or the children of each partner can’t learn to like each other. Before merging two families, a couple should discuss their parenting methods to be sure that they will approve of how each other will handle and discipline their children.
When marriages without children end, it can be easy to make a clean break and sever ties with an ex. But when kids are involved, communication needs to remain open. This can easily make a situation stickier, as it can be challenging for a new spouse to forge the necessary relationship with the children’s other parent, and to understand and approve of the exes’ continued discussions.
When one new spouse has children, but the other doesn’t, it can be hard for the non-parent to understand the priorities of a family with kids.
We all have it – maybe it’s a history of a crazed ex-husband or ex-wife, multiple children and step-children, or messy and complicated finances. Other times it’s emotional baggage that keeps couples from achieving happiness in future relationships – people continually compare their new beau to their ex, or live in constant fear of marriage failure. After being married, a divorce will surely leave ex-spouses with plenty of baggage – and that can make future relationships more complex.