Divorces tend to be stressful. Broaching the topic of divorce doesn’t have to be. The initial discussion with your soon to be former spouse doesn’t have to begin or end with a fight. By following the helpful tips, and knowing what to expect, can help alleviate common stressors that can occur in a divorce case. 

The preparation on discussing this subject should be thoughtfully approached with specific attention to deciding the correct location and time. There are good ways to go about communicating the notion that you require a divorce, and conversely bad ways.

Assess the Pros & Cons of the Marriage

This is an important component of the process that requires the individual asking for a divorce to seriously assess the situation at hand. Create a road map In certain instances, familial conflict can be resolved with the assistance of a family law specialist. By seeking out the help of a certified family law therapist, licensed by your local state or entity, should be crossed before requesting a divorce. Frequently in life, individuals will experience conflict. Conflict can promote growth, but it can also become a point of contention and add to existing underlying stress pre-existing in the relationship. 

A certified family therapist can act as a conduit to help alleviate underlying relationship issues. By providing insight, experience and expertise in family matters, this professional can create a road map for a successful, lasting relationship. In the event that the therapist does not resolve these issues in a relationship, it may be best for all parties involved to proceed to the following steps.

 

Mentally Prepare for The Conversation

This is an imperative step to alleviating potentially avoidable unnecessary arguments, anger and stress. Finding a safe environment to broaching this difficult conversation is imperative. There are some important things to consider when thinking about when and where the conversation is to take place.

• Find a place where the two adults can talk without being interrupted by others. If there are children in the relationship, ensure that they are not at the scene of this conversation. Children that are exposed to this type of conversation, can have a tremendous traumatic impact on a child that has to deal with a very stressful situation themselves. Do all parties involved and find a space away from any children. 
• If you do choose a setting outside of the living domicile, do not choose a favorite location. If the two in the relationship have a setting that is special or instills joy to either party, do both parties a favor and avoid this setting. It is entirely possible to always associate that unique locale with the discussion that occurred there. Pick a neutral setting or a place that holds minimal sentimental value or previous experiences. 
• Consider any external factors (factors that are out of the relationships control) and assess if this difficult discussion should wait. If an individual is mourning the loss of a loved one, or is going through a difficult transition in their professional life, it is ideal to postpone the conversation to a later point in time. When individuals are going through stressful periods, it is best to wait until the individual has healed emotionally.
• Has the dialogue been heading towards a divorce conversation, or will your soon to be former spouse be caught off guard? It’s far from ideal to blind someone that has been such a large pillar in your life. If you don’t think the other individual sees the writing on the wall, it may be best to consult with a divorce attorney that specializes in this field.

By being mindful of the setting, potential children, external factors and the emotional and mental health of your eventual ex can help create a constructive path moving forward. Remember to give your spouse a heads up in advanced about the severity of this upcoming conversation. DO NOT AMBUSH YOUR SPOUSE, by giving your soon to be ex a heads up it allows the individual to mentally prepare for this difficult conversation. Although the spouse may respond with anger, it is best to give someone you’ve cared about so much in the past at least an idea of what this conversation entails. 

Communicate the Events to Children

This step is complicated to say the least. Dependent on the age of the children, a child’s response can vary drastically from one age group to the next. For young children, these impressionable individuals can worry that the loss of love between a child’s two parents can forecast that one day the parents will stop loving the child/children. 

For children in grade school, this group may take too much responsibility of their own. This group can over analyze their unique situation and as a result of the child’s analyzation, can blame themselves as a result. Some of these grade school children may assess that their behavior has led to a deterioration of their parents relationship and thus blame themselves.

For individuals in their teenage years, this group may show their emotions in the way of anger. Teenagers are more likely than other groups to blame one parent for the eventual demise of a marriage. With many internal changes that come with the territory of teenagers, a disruption in the home life as large as a parents divorce can have large ripple effects in a teenager’s life. Dependent on several variables, a teenager may lash out with anger, frustration or high risk activities as a way to express a need for help. For some,  If a child of yours has been impacted by a divorce and its exhibiting behavior that does not match the previous child’s behavior there is help. A certified family law specialist or therapist can help resolve the legal matters and offer a plan with solutions to help resolve the familial problems that come with divorce. 

Keep Your Cool

Easier said than done in stressful situations, but it is of utmost importance to remember to stay calm. Losing your cool, inciting a former spouse or approaching this with hostility will only cause additional pain for your former spouse and any children involved. Most divorce cases are stressful, no doubt, but by approaching the divorce case with a professional manner can help all parties involved limit the mental stressors associated with difficult divorce cases. By working with your former partner, establishing common ground and being mindful of their perspective and interests can help alleviate many unpleasantries that come with contentious divorces. 

Realistically you and your ex will not see eye-to-eye on everything. However, it is imperative to keep an eye on the bigger picture. Individuals going through stressful situations can be abrasive and combative to the other party or parties. If children are involved in the picture, remember to put their best interests at the top of the priority list. Divorces can be incredibly taxing and devastating on former couples, but to a young child, can have life changing implications resulting in behavioral shifts   

Maintain Boundaries 

It’s good to keep things of normalcy going, however it’s also important to keep boundaries. Once the conversation of a divorce is broached, you and your soon to be former spouse should identify different living situations. Do not stay in the same room with your former spouse. This can send confusing signals to any children that exist in the picture. 

Also shy away from moving in with a potential new spouse during the divorce proceedings. In the state of California, all divorce cases have a six month waiting period. This is a mandatory waiting period to ensure that individuals that file for divorce still want to proceed with moving forward with the divorce. By having a wait time, divorce cases will be less impulsive and the parties involved can be sure of their decision moving forward. 

By abstaining from a living situation with your ex, or a potential other love interest, the process can be much more streamlined. It is not advisable to immediately begin living with a new love interest. This can cause significant pain for individuals including your former spouse and children in the picture. 

Contact a Divorce Attorney

It’s best to have a professional on your side during a divorce. This statement is compounded even more so if there is large property division or assets that need to be divided. California is a community property state, and as such the state will divide communal assets 50/50. 

Even if the divorce is amicable, it is strongly advisable to hire a legal professional with your interests in mind. Experienced Sacramento family law attorneys are familiar with the ins and outs of California family laws and have helped settle countless divorces in Sacramento. A family law attorney will assist with filing papers and work on your behalf.