People in relationships and marital unions have plenty of differences in opinion on what constitutes cheating. Many refer to physical infidelity – it can be holding hands, a kiss or sexual intimacy. Others believe that emotional cheating is worse – when a spouse begins to care more for another person, though no physical infidelity is involved.

While having a “crush” is perfectly normal in a relationship, it can be difficult to decipher when you have crossed the line into inappropriate behavior. The following are ten signs that your crush could lead to infidelity.

 

1. You spruce up when you know you’re going to see him/her

Tina Tessina aka “Dr. Romance” and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, says that crushes tend to be the most common among stressed young mothers or women whose lives have become ordinary. When a spouse becomes dissatisfied with the mundane routine of married life and no longer feels the need to get done up for their significant other, it can become exciting to have the desire to spruce up for someone again. If you find yourself taking extra care for your appearances when you know you are going to see your crush, take a second look at the relationship that you have with your spouse and question whether you are crossing the line. How would you feel if you found out that the reason your spouse went to work in sexy heels, or in a new freshly pressed suit, was that they wanted to draw the attention of someone else?

 

2. He/she is often on your mind and you anxiously anticipate your next meeting

If you find yourself daydreaming about your crush, arranging your schedule so that you can be sure to bump into him/her, or notice your heartbeat quickening when you think about them, there may be a problem. Innocently flirting with the new young, cute guy in the next cubicle over is one thing, but if you often think about him when he isn’t around that could raise red flags. 

 

3. You lie to your partner about spending time with him/her

If you’re just friends and have no reason to believe you are behaving questionably, then why not tell your spouse about your encounters with your crush? If you find that you often lie to your spouse about your whereabouts when you are spending time with another man or woman, you probably already know that you are seeing this person too often or under unsuitable circumstances. People in this type of situation often make the excuse, “My spouse just wouldn’t understand. We are just friends.” The bottom line is that if there is any level of guilt or any need to cover up what you do or where you have been, you’re likely wandering into some dangerous territory.

4.  You make excuses to be away from home in order to sneak time with him/her

This is an escalated version of no-no number three. Telling what you believe to be “white lies” is one thing, but altering your life in order to see this person takes the relationship to a new, highly inappropriate level. If you are making a conscious effort to spend time with this other person instead of your spouse, it may be time to take an in-depth look at your marriage and reassess your priorities.

 

5. You hide or erase text messages and emails that you exchange with him/her

Unless your spouse is incredibly overbearing and controlling, he or she knows and understands that you have friendships and work relationships with members of the opposite sex. You probably don’t delete every text message or email that you get from other men or women, so why are you hiding your conversations with this particular person? Concealing communication that you have with your crush raises a major red flag – you clearly already know that you have crossed a line, and don’t want your spouse to find out about it.

 

6. You lack the desire to be intimate with your partner

When you are becoming emotionally satisfied by one person, you can lose the desire to be physically intimate with another. Getting attention from your crush can be dangerously seductive, and can even make your resent being intimate with your spouse who doesn’t make you feel sexy anymore or no longer mentally stimulates you.

 

7. You compare him/her to your spouse

If you have found yourself making a list of pros and cons, or paying attention to attributes that your crush has and your spouse lacks, you may be searching for a reason to flee your marriage. Thoughts like, “I wish Joe was as funny as Matt” or “If only Tina was as intelligent as Sarah,” convey that you are no longer seeing the good in your spouse. Instead, you are looking for their flaws, and at what could help mold them into someone you would be more attracted to.

 

8. You can relate more to him/her than you can to your partner

We all have people in our lives that are in our different circles for various reasons – each person has their own purpose, and we connect with them in different ways. But when you find yourself relating to one particular person more than any other, and that person isn’t your husband or wife, it’s time to back off of that relationship and take steps to reconnect with your spouse.

 

9. He/she is your primary source of trust and consolation

Who do you call after you had a bad day at the office, when you want to celebrate a promotion or when you have a secret that you want to share? The answer should be your spouse, your best friend or a member of your family – certainly not your crush.

 

10. You suddenly begin to question your partner’s whereabouts

You never got jealous or suspected your spouse of cheating on you before – not until you began having feelings for someone else. Now, you suddenly don’t trust your spouse and you often question where they have been. This probably isn’t a sign that they are being unfaithful. Rather, it’s likely an indication that you are feeling guilty about your behavior and see the possibility that they could be having the same type of relationship with someone besides you. That doesn’t sit well with you, and your spouse certainly wouldn’t be okay with it either.